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He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me – Why?
You might be asking yourself: Why is he reaching out if he already broke my heart? There are a number of reasons—but trust me, he’s not doing it just to hurt you. The real story lies in understanding his intentions and your own boundaries.
A Real-Life Example: My Client Jo
Jo, a coaching client, kept getting texts and emails from her ex. She felt frustrated, angry, and yet, strangely relieved all at once. “The nerve of this guy!” she said.
My advice was simple: give him some contact, but don’t make it too easy.
For example, in their first few interactions after the breakup, I suggested Jo challenge him slightly by asking if he had any further thoughts about what went wrong in their relationship. When he asked to meet, she scheduled a short half-hour coffee date and made sure she had plans afterward. I also warned her: avoid sleeping with him impulsively. Jumping into bed with him too soon, especially if he hasn’t changed, is the fastest way to sabotage any chance of a future together. Jo followed this plan perfectly—and later, it paid off.
The Guiding Principle
Here’s the key: if your ex wants more contact with you, he needs to show that he’s sincere. Words are cheap—actions matter more.
To determine whether you should continue interacting with him, observe if the breakup has helped him make meaningful changes. Has his reckless or inconsiderate behavior stopped? Have his doubts about you or the relationship shifted in a positive way?
Five Signs Your Ex Might Be Ready to Change
Look for at least three of these signs to know if he’s serious:
- He shows worry or concern about you (a sign he truly cares).
- You have honest, open conversations about the relationship—what went wrong and where it could go in the future.
- He acknowledges his mistakes and offers a sincere apology (not a defensive one).
- He actively tries to make it up to you.
- He talks positively about the relationship, echoing things you once said about its value.
A Practical Hack for Getting Back Together
If he demonstrates three or more of these signs and genuinely wants to reconcile, make sure you have serious conversations about your future together. Clarify what it will take for the relationship to reach a deeper, more committed level. Couples counseling or personalized Love Mentoring with an expert coach can help ensure you don’t fall into old patterns.
Remember Jo? Her ex showed three of these key signs and backed them up with thoughtful gestures. With guidance from her relationship coach, she set clear boundaries and expectations. Within 12 months, they were happily married.
Your Next Step
If you—or a friend—are wondering, “He broke my heart and still contacts me,” I invite you to reach out today. I’ll send you a personal gift and connect you with a gifted dating coach to help navigate your unique challenges with your ex. Together, you can create the relationship that truly feels right for you.
