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Valentine’s Day — Love It or Hate It?

Every February, we’re surrounded by teddy bears clutching balloon bouquets and heart-shaped everything. For some, these symbols spark warmth and sentimentality. For others, they trigger eye rolls and thoughts of “just another commercialized holiday.”

Either way, Valentine’s Day can feel like a relationship minefield:

• Is this the day to pop the question—or is that too cliché?
• Should I buy something expensive or something heartfelt?
• Creative date night or overpriced restaurant?

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What Type of Valentine’s Couple Are You?

As a couples therapist, I see a few common patterns.

❤️ LOVE / HATE

One partner loves it; the other dreads it.
No one enjoys this dynamic. One person feels chronically disappointed. The other feels guilty—or panicked at 8 p.m. on the 14th, hoping the gas station still has flowers left.

🎉 ENTHUSIASTIC PARTICIPANTS

You both go all in.
This can be fun and energizing. The risk? All that romantic effort gets concentrated into one day, highlighting how little intentional energy goes into the relationship the rest of the year.

😐 “MEH”

You both dismiss it as artificial or overly commercialized.
Maybe you skip it entirely—or quietly feel a little disappointed but don’t want to admit it.

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The Real Issue: Expectations

The biggest source of conflict around Valentine’s Day isn’t the holiday itself—it’s mismatched, unspoken expectations.

Couples can prevent hurt feelings by having intentional conversations about how they each feel:

• Cherished
• Courted
• Appreciated
• Loved

These talks can be practical:

“I’d really love it if you made a dinner reservation.”

Or more meaningful:

“When you plan something thoughtful, it makes me feel chosen and valued.”

Couples who have these conversations are building what relationship research calls a sense of shared meaning—one of the strongest predictors of long-term satisfaction.

And timing matters: these conversations go much better before someone feels disappointed.

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Valentine’s Day Do’s

Acknowledge it.
Even if it feels corny, let your partner know you’re thinking of them.

Seize the opportunity.
Use February 14th as a reason to “turn toward” your partner in a way that matters to them.

Focus on the positive.
Save the heavy relationship analysis for another day. If there’s joy to be had, lean into it.

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Valentine’s Day Don’ts

Don’t ignore it completely.
Even a small gesture is infinitely better than nothing. A thoughtful text, a favorite snack, a handwritten note—it all counts.

Don’t assume people never change.
Tastes evolve. Maybe your partner used to hate dark chocolate and now loves it. Use this holiday as a chance to update your “love map” of each other.

Don’t wait until the 14th to ask what matters.
If you’re unsure how your partner wants to feel loved, ask today. And keep asking—throughout the year.

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Whether you embrace every heart-shaped cliché or prefer to skip the candy aisle, Valentine’s Day can be less about performance and more about intention. At its best, it’s simply a reminder to nurture your emotional connection—playfully, thoughtfully, and in ways that feel meaningful to both of you.