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It can be challenging, soul-stifling, and even maddening to be in a relationship with a narcissist. The first step in learning how to deal with a narcissist is recognizing that you are with one.
According to the Mayo Clinic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental condition in which individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. Beneath this mask of extreme confidence lies fragile self-esteem that is highly sensitive to criticism.
Does this sound familiar?
If you are with a narcissist, when things go wrong, it’s never their fault. When things go right, it’s always because of them. You simply can’t win. A narcissist struggles to put themselves in your shoes or see things from your perspective. If you’re feeling low, your emotions may be ignored. If you’re feeling happy, they may take credit for it. Everything revolves around them.
Self-Worth and Narcissism
If you are involved with a narcissist, you may gradually begin to feel worse about yourself. Narcissists are often incapable of truly meeting your emotional needs. In the beginning, they may go above and beyond to win you over — but this is often to fulfill their own needs. Once they feel secure in the relationship, the dynamic may shift.
You might begin to feel invisible, unheard, or emotionally drained. In many ways, you don’t exist in their internal world except as someone who serves their ego. While there are degrees of narcissism and not every narcissist is completely unworkable, they are all difficult to deal with.
Four Powerful Tips for Dealing with a Narcissist
Tip 1: Recognize the Signs
Your partner may:
- Talk constantly about themselves
- Rarely ask about your feelings or concerns
- Believe they are superior to others
- Crave excessive attention and validation
- Lack empathy
- Feel entitled to special treatment
- Exaggerate achievements and brag
- Turn situations into win-lose scenarios (where they must win)
- Be arrogant and judgmental
- Seek status, image, and appearances
- React with anger or cruelty when criticized
- Refuse to admit wrongdoing
At a deep level, narcissists often struggle with insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. Their defensiveness and need to prove themselves are rooted in this hidden fragility.
It’s important to note that narcissism can appear in both men and women. Sometimes it is overt; sometimes it is more subtle and covert.
As therapist Bree Bonchay writes in I Am Free:
“A relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give your everything, and they will take it all and give less and less in return. You will end up depleted emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially — and then get blamed for it.”
Tip 2: Free Yourself from Self-Doubt and Blame
Once you understand narcissistic patterns, you can stop second-guessing yourself.
Instead of thinking:
- “If only I had said the right thing…”
- “Maybe I’m too needy…”
- “Maybe my body, my success, or my personality is the problem…”
You begin to see the pattern clearly.
Narcissists frequently shift blame onto others. Over time, this can deeply affect your self-esteem. Breaking free from self-blame is essential. When you stop internalizing their criticism, you regain clarity and begin rebuilding self-love and confidence.
This shift can be incredibly liberating.
Tip 3: Assess the Severity
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some individuals may have narcissistic traits but still possess the capacity for growth. A key question to ask:
Are they willing to seek therapy — individually or as a couple?
Willingness to get help is a strong indicator that change may be possible. It suggests they may recognize something is missing and are open to developing empathy and emotional intimacy.
However, in many cases, meaningful change only begins when there is a real risk of losing the relationship. Sometimes the possibility of loss is what prompts genuine reflection.
And in some cases, you may need to be prepared to walk away to protect your emotional well-being.
