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Why “Finding Love” Isn’t Enough: Setting Relationship Goals That Actually Work
According to data shared by Statista, 15% of people reported that their 2018 New Year’s Resolution was to “find love.” Other popular goals included saving money, losing weight, and eating healthier.
One goal notably absent from the list?
“Improve my relationship with my spouse or significant other.”
This omission is striking. Research consistently shows that being in a securely attached relationship is associated with better emotional, mental, and even physical health.
In other words, it’s not enough to simply find love. We must also invest in strengthening it.
Why Relationship Resolutions Often Fail
New Year’s Resolutions are almost synonymous with poor follow-through — roughly 80% fail by mid-February.
For couples, improving the relationship may not feel urgent at the start of a new year. But intentional work on communication, trust, and satisfaction can create meaningful, lasting change — whether a relationship is thriving or struggling.
So why do relationship goals fail?
1. Goals Aren’t Aligned With Personal Values
If a goal doesn’t support each partner’s authenticity and growth, it won’t strengthen the relationship. Healthy relationships are built by two whole individuals.
2. Goals Are Too Big
Large, abstract goals feel overwhelming. Breaking them into small, actionable steps makes consistency far more achievable.
3. Goals Aren’t Measurable
“We want to communicate better” sounds good — but how will you know when you’ve succeeded? Goals should be specific and observable.
4. Goals Focus Only on the Short Term
Couples benefit from discussing their 6-month, 1-year, 5-year, and even 10-year visions — both individually and together. This creates alignment between present actions and long-term direction.
Practical, Measurable Relationship Goals for the New Year
Here are evidence-informed ideas to help couples strengthen communication, trust, and overall satisfaction:
Stay Screen-Free During Meals
No phones. No social media. No television — whether at home or dining out.
Research shows that “phubbing” (snubbing someone by looking at your phone) is associated with lower relationship satisfaction. Presence builds connection.
Schedule a Weekly Date
Life gets busy quickly. Couples who intentionally schedule time together create space for bonding.
Plan:
- Regular date nights
- Holiday traditions (Valentine’s Day, Mother’s/Father’s Day)
- Novel experiences (museums, new restaurants, hikes, sporting events)
Novelty increases dopamine — the same chemical involved in early-stage attraction.
Plan a Vacation
Interestingly, research shows that planning a vacation can bring as much joy — sometimes more — than the trip itself.
Planning together requires:
- Cooperation
- Budgeting
- Shared decision-making
- Creative collaboration
All of which strengthen the partnership.
Volunteer Together
Serving others builds shared meaning and teamwork. It also models compassion and social responsibility for children.
Read a Relationship Book Together
A powerful option is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.
Couples can:
- Read one chapter per week
- Discuss insights
- Practice suggested exercises
Learning together fosters growth and shared language.
Accountability Makes the Difference
Setting goals is one thing. Following through is another.
Couples can improve success rates by:
- Scheduling weekly check-ins
- Putting shared goals directly into calendars
- Creating small rewards or celebrations
- Tracking progress together
Intentionality transforms good intentions into real change.
Measuring Relationship Health
How do you know if your relationship is healthy — not just emotionally satisfying but beneficial to your overall well-being?
It can be measured.
Tools like the Gottman Relationship Adviser provide a structured evaluation of relationship strengths, weaknesses, and actionable areas for growth.
Self-awareness is empowering. When couples understand their patterns, they can intervene early — before small issues become chronic ones.
Final Thoughts
Finding love is exciting.
Maintaining, nurturing, and deepening love is transformational.
A thriving relationship doesn’t happen by accident — it happens through shared vision, measurable goals, consistent effort, and mutual accountability.
This year, instead of focusing solely on individual resolutions, consider asking:
How can we grow — together?
