Should I Stay or Should I Go? Knowing When Divorce is the Right Choice

I threw my wedding ring across the room. It was our honeymoon, we were arguing, and I was overwhelmed. Why couldn’t he understand me? Had I made a huge mistake?

We had eloped to Greece for a simple, private wedding with just my mom and best friend. But the little resort in Skyros surprised us – the owner offered to host our celebration for free as PR. Suddenly, we had a wedding arch on a cliff, a flautist, a bouzouki band, and a full Greek buffet, complete with roast lambs on spits. The BBC even filmed our vows for a travel show. All for about $300 worth of retsina.

It was a “Mamma Mia” wedding – a beautiful, love-filled celebration. The most meaningful part? Traditional Greek wedding crowns placed on our heads, joined by a long white ribbon that flowed down my back and up my husband’s, binding us together as we slowly circled three times – past, present, and future intertwined with our vows to love each other, no matter what.

Three Years Later

We stood on another shore to say goodbye. Our divorce had been sad and angry, but we met one last time to perform a ritual and let go. We cut the white ribbon and threw our wedding crowns into the sea. And it was done.

Looking back, I see how we lacked the skills to create a healthy, happy relationship. Love alone isn’t enough. Like a chocolate cake, which needs more than just chocolate, a strong relationship requires communication, effort, patience, and other essential ingredients. I still wonder: if we had the skills, could we have made it last?

Soft vs. Hard Reasons for Divorce

Research distinguishes between “soft” reasons – poor communication, constant arguing, feeling lonely – and “hard” reasons – abuse, addiction, infidelity. Surprisingly, most divorces result from “soft” reasons. Feeling “we just grew apart” is more common than a major betrayal.

Beliefs about love also play a role. Those who think being “in love” should be constant are more likely to consider divorce when feelings fluctuate. Conversely, couples who believe love requires work are more likely to stay together.

The Blame Game

Many people blame their spouse rather than examining their own role. If you feel you’ve “fallen out of love” and your happiness lies elsewhere, it can push you toward divorce. But what if you learned that relationship challenges are normal, that love and lust evolve, and that communication can bridge the gap? This is what I teach in my 12-week Become Passion couples program, where couples have gone from filing for divorce to happily in love again.

The Impact of Divorce

Divorce takes a toll on mental and physical health, finances, and relationships with children, family, and friends. While some divorces are necessary, many end for reasons that could be addressed with effort and guidance.

Sometimes, divorce is the right choice. I have no personal or professional reason to oppose it – I myself divorced two years after my wedding. But before making a final decision, it’s crucial to evaluate your motivations and consider whether the relationship can be repaired. Clarity will help your healing, whether you stay or go.

Signs You’re in Trouble – But Change is Possible

1. Poor Communication
Every conversation turns into an argument. You feel unheard, frustrated, and alone.

2. Loss of Connection
You live separate lives, managing the household and kids like a business, with little emotional connection, intimacy, or romance.

3. Trust Betrayal
Trust may be broken by infidelity, hidden finances, or repeated promises that are never kept.

If You’re Thinking of Leaving

You may ask yourself:

• “Should I get a divorce?”
• “How can I gain emotional clarity about staying or leaving?”
• “When is it time to let go?”

Feeling pulled in both directions – wanting happiness yet fearing the consequences – is exhausting. You may feel frustrated, unfulfilled, or resentful, and leaving might seem like the obvious choice.

But before taking that step, reflect. Understand your feelings, communicate openly, and evaluate whether a healthier, happier relationship is possible. Sometimes, the difference between staying and leaving is knowledge, effort, and the right guidance.